Levesque
She was everything to him. He took another drink sip of Stoli. He needed to slow down. He was getting a little beyond melancholic. He thought back on the first few years of his relationship with Beth.
She’d been a year behind him at the high school. He hadn’t known her until his senior year when they shared a Current Events class. She wasn’t a classic drop-dead gorgeous beauty, whatever that was back then, but she had “it.”
She was a Renaissance woman of a sort. She was a member of the field hockey and tennis teams, the treasurer for her class and a member of the choir. She had also starred in a couple of the drama clubs productions.
She filled a room with sunlight just by walking in. Everyone felt better for being around her. She brought it out in them. She didn’t have the standard high school hang-ups of only running with the “in” crowd. She dazzled all comers with heartfelt “hellos” and inclusive smiles that started in her eyes.
He remembered those smiles, when she turned in her chair look back at him. His face would turn red and his stomach would flip. He hated turning red. It felt amazing.
He took a long drink from the Stoli.
They’d begun dating not too long into the Fall. It didn’t happen in any particular way. There’d been some small talk in class, and then they were out together, traveling all over the state to see acquaintances she had in different places.
It had been a thrill for him. He had lived most of his life in fear of asking his father for anything, let alone asking him to allow him to stay out late, or travel to other parts of the state on his own.
He snuck into the Chanticleer and had his first beer with her amongst the chaos of preppy college students and tattooed locals with her. She convinced him to join her and her friends at the local pool halls.
She made him stretch the limits of what he thought was possible for himself. She forced him to be more than he thought he could be. He was so afraid of losing her; he pushed himself even further to keep her.
He wasn’t blind. He knew guys liked her. He also knew she hungered the attention. The hunger kept him in state for college. His father had the money. Felton was an excellent school. There was nothing to be ashamed of in going there. Sure, it wasn’t Cornell, but it was only a step below.
Beth had loved the idea of his staying home for her. She loved it almost as much as the bracelets and necklaces he gifted her from his father’s shop. His staying home was just the type of move to assuage her ego. She was in love, as long as she was the focal point of the love, and treated like royalty. The jewelry store had made this less of a problem for Levesque.
She had spent most nights in his dorm room, where they had stayed up until all hours. They had talked about the future, the kids they would have and the vacations they would take. They made love. And then one Saturday night towards the end of the Spring Term, they snuck into the Chanti, and after their third pitcher of PBR, he’d asked her to marry him.
He’d expected her to say no, she couldn’t commit. She’d told him countless times how she couldn’t wait to get out of the Falls. She loved her mother’s family, but she wanted to be far away from her alcoholic father. To that end, she had been planning to go to NYU. He hadn’t been able to figure out why she’d changed her mind.
When the word “yes” had reached him through the drunken haze, he was elated. At least that’s what he’d thought the feeling was. Had he known even then?
Ignoring their hangovers the next morning, they had figured it all out. They’d get married that summer. They were going to make a go of it on their own. They’d have an apartment downtown. He would continue on at Felton, while working for his father in his free time.
Beth was going to attend the local Western Maine Community College, while also continuing to work at the local sporting goods store. They’d have an income, and their own place. Things were going to be perfect.
The wedding had been perfect. She’d been 19. He was 20. They were young enough; they hadn’t reached the phase of life where they felt invincible.
Now, her 21st birthday, two years into the marriage, almost to the day. He had planned a big night. Now that he was working full-time at his father’s, he was making better money. Still not great. His father demanded a gallon of blood before he’d ever see enough to start living the life Beth wanted. Still, he intended to show her a good time.
They were going to have a fancy dinner at Sedgley Place, then surprise her by meeting a group of her friends at the Chanticleer. He’d thought to celebrate her birthday at the same place they’d been engaged. A place they didn’t get to at all with the busy nature of their current life. Life had felt good.
Something had been wrong from the start. Beth had seemed off from the moment they sat down at dinner. The smile in her eyes was absent. He’d asked if anything was wrong. She’d said no. He’d asked again and again.
She had told him she was pregnant. Emotions slammed through him. Fear, joy, anger, surprise, doubt and elation washed over him before he came to rest on surprised happiness.
She’d told him she was three months along. She’d been afraid to tell him because of how stressed he’d been with his thesis, commencement and his starting full-time working for his father. The baby would be due in December.
He must have said the right thing, because he could see the excitement beginning to take control of her face. Wasn’t it going to be the best Christmas present? She was so excited for this next step for the two of them. And why wasn’t he excited?
In the moment, he’d said it was that she’d caught him by surprise, and it was just a lot to take in. He’d figured it out while she was talking. The smile she’d mistaken for his excitement, had been the wry grin of understanding.
He’d known the child wasn’t his. Somewhere deep in his subconscious, he’d known, and his mind had been spinning through the math as soon as she told him.
They’d slept together from the start of their relationship. As the relationship progressed, their frequency had increased. She’d loved him with a desperate hunger, almost demanding it of him. Until this past spring term.
She’d had a business course requiring a ton of group work. She’d talked about study groups and needing extra help. She’d get home late smelling of beer, and say the group had gone to the O’Shay’s to celebrate the end of some project or other.
The projects had started to be due every week. The “every Thursday” meeting of her group, followed by celebratory drinks was now supplemented by a “kick-off” session on Sundays. She’d leave mid-morning and return at dusk.
None of it had registered because he’d been working more at the store, while also trying to put the finishing touches on the 50 pages that were his thesis. He’d known he was distracted, but he had intended to make it up to her as soon as he graduated, but then he’d started in at the store, and working with his father was next to impossible.
And looking back, he knew he’d failed. He’d stopped paying attention. They hadn’t slept together since the end of February. He only remembered because she’d cried out for “Davis.” He’d thought she was saying his middle name, David.
He had wondered how many Davis’s were in the Central Falls area.
He heard a muffled cry from upstairs. He took another drink and stared out into the night.
