Death cannot be defeated. Its career record is unblemished. The adage about death and taxes being the only certainties in life are true. When someone close to you dies, you can’t help but think on mortality: yours, theirs, and others who are close to you. It’s a natural second step after the passing of another.
When Santiago Holmes passed, I wasn’t sad. I didn’t feel anything. I’m not sure if it was my fault or his, or if fault even needed to be placed on anyone’s doorstep. Our last words on this earth were spoken in anger, and were spoken over 20 years ago.
I know his passing relieved my mother so in that regard I was happy. I know it sounds crass, but so many deaths are long, drawn out processes, beginning with a diagnosis and not ending until some years later. When the end does come, it is a blessing for all involved. I think the multiple years it took for Santiago to deteriorate and go took a toll on my mother, so she was able to find her own peace with his departure.
My mother is and was such a caring person. She will stretch herself thin, to the point of tearing, to take care of another soul in need. I should know she raised me by herself while caring for her parents and working two jobs. I, in my own selfish ways, cannot be bothered to pour a glass of water for myself if someone is nearby who can do it for me.
I admire my mother’s capacity for care, and am ashamed to say I have taken advantage of it whenever it seemed prudent and more often when it was not.
Just because she cares, I don’t want any confusion, and you thinking she is soft, or lacking in spine. She has a will of iron. If someone is being cruel, or abusing her sympathies, she will cut them off at the knees. On occasion, I go without water because I can read her moods.
What I valued most about her – aside from her being my mother – was her consistency. Her dual abilities to care and be firm made her fair, and the most pragmatic and reasonable person I have known. They also made her caring for Santiago Holmes the most irregular behavior I had seen her take part in in my 40 years on this earth.
