Deux

Chamberlain

 Chamberlain couldn’t get the day out of his mind. It was an itch. These happened to him from time to time. Not a lot, but enough. Things that were just beyond his immediate memory. He sloughed it off. Forty years with the department. He was allowed to forget a thing or two, as long as he kept clearing cases, he thought as he drove to the scene.

The call had come in this morning at a quarter to nine. Levesque and Sons had been robbed. One of the employees had been found dead. The owner, young J.D. was also found unconscious with a gun in his hand.

That’s what had started the itch. Something about the date? Or was it Levesque? Something was familiar, and it was scratching at the back of his head.

Chamberlain had wiped the crumbs from the donut off his beard and pressing both hands into his desk, creaking under the strain, lifted himself up.

“Reilly!” he called for his partner.

Getting no immediate response, he remembered he was yet to see his partner. And that it wasn’t atypical for him to show up late. He then waddled to dispatch, throwing his arms out in front to propel his bulk, and requested a message be sent to Reilly requesting he meet him at Levesque Jewelers.

As he drove he kept trying to remember what combination of Levesque Jewelers, the date, and a shooting might have caused this itch.

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Un

Levesque

J.D. Levesque adjusted the strap of the Velcro holster, tightening it against the skin above his ankle. He tugged his gray slacks down to cover the bulge of the gun resting in the holster.

Standing, he checked his appearance in the break room mirror. He re-tucked his shirt where it had bunched at the sides. In doing so, he readjusted the 9mm pistol in its holster at his hip.

Satisfied he looked prepared to face the day, he climbed the stairs to the main floor J.D. Levesque & Son Jewelers. He sat down at his desk and began his day.

This was his favorite part of the day. The calm two hours before opening. The time before the customers started calling with their complaints: the man who wanted to know why they couldn’t be open later every day of the week, the woman whose engagement ring had lost a diamond, while she was running one of those Spartan races, demanding they replace it for free because wasn’t it his fault the diamond had popped out? She knew he knew how much she’d paid, so he must be able to do something for her?

He sighed and took a sip from the plastic Poland Spring bottle he’d carried up from the basement. The vodka warmed him on the inside, dulling the anger boiling up inside him as he thought about these familiar complaints, and the new one’s he was certain would arise today. It was Thursday. The end of the workweek always brought out the worst customers.

These thoughts were dancing through his head again an hour later when he heard a tapping at the front door. He ignored it and looked back down at the invoices covering his desk, wondering where the five grand he needed to cover this month’s expenses was going to come from.

It was his personal policy not to acknowledge anyone at the door until the store opened at ten. This nine o’clock annoyance was going to have to wait. Thursdays, like Tuesdays, were long enough as the store stayed open until 7pm to accommodate the after-work crowd. He cursed to himself about people in this day and age and how all they wanted was more, more, more.

Feeling the rage in his stomach rising up in to bile in his throat, he washed it away with a sip from the Poland Spring bottle.

The tapping continued. He wondered if it was Davis. The bastard was always late. I really should fire him, but the man has a gift for setting stones, and he handles all the other shit I never took the time to learn how to do, he thought to himself, not for the first time.

He took another sip of vodka and glanced down at his Rolex. The time showed 9:15am, which would mean Davis was 15 minutes late for his scheduled shift, meaning, by Davis’ standard arrival time, he was fifteen minutes early.

I’m sure he doesn’t have his keys, again.

The tapping persisted. Levesque pushed back from his desk, took another swig from the bottle and walked out of his office. As he approached the front door, he recognized Davis’ shape. He wanted to ream Davis out, but knew it wouldn’t have any effect. He also didn’t want to go through the process of finding someone to replace him; he hated hiring people.

As he arrived at the door, he saw blood running from a gash above Davis’ eye. It was also dripping through his fingers, which were covering his nose. When he moved his hand to the door handle, Davis fell down and a massive black shape replaced him, a sawed off shotgun extending out from dark depths.

A hand rose from the dark and beckoned for him to open the door. He shook his head, no. He wouldn’t kill Davis in the middle of broad daylight. There was no way.

He moved toward the alarm panel on the wall, preparing to punch in the code for an emergency. As he made his move, he heard a hard voice behind him.

“Another move and I’ll rip your throat out,” said the voice.

He thought about swinging around to confront his attacker but decided staying alive was of greater concern than, maybe, getting a few punches in. His mind raced, and determined this was just a simple robbery. Establishing that his brain moved on to wonder how the man behind him got in? And on top of that, how he’d done so without him hearing a thing or the basement alarms going off?

“You ought to be locking your basement windows,” said the hard voice as he lifted the pistol from the man’s hip. He thumbed the safety off and pressed it to the man’s back, removing the sharp implement from his throat.

“Now, let the big fucker in.”

He took his time moving toward the door. Thinking of nothing that could get him out of the situation, he unlocked the door and let the giant in. He ducked and entered, dragging Davis’ inert body behind him.

The man was a giant, standing at least a foot taller than Davis, who was of average height. The strength in his massive chest and arms was evident, as he appeared to exert no effort in hefting the dead weight of the unconscious Davis.

Upon closer examination Davis appeared more dead than alive. His nose was broken and the side of his face looked as though it had caved in. He was not surprised at this revelation based on the size of the giant’s hands.

He turned away from the bloody mess of Davis and was able to take in the second man’s reflection in the display cases. For all the giant’s height, the second man was short. Three to four inches shorter than Levesque himself. He was built like a fire hydrant, thick all around.

The only thing both intruders shared was their dress. Both were dressed in black with dark balaclavas revealing only their eyes and mouths.

Levesque’s hands and feet were tied with zip ties and the giant tossed him on the floor in the middle of the store. The giant lifted Davis and dropped him in a bloody heap next to the man. He whimpered.

“Not another sound, or your face will match his,” said a voice somewhere above him.

Davis’ breaths were coming in short rasps. His body eased up and down. The air escaping his mouth through cracked teeth whistled.

The intruders began to move through the cases of jewelry. They worked with a speed one would not have thought possible for men of their size. With deft hands, they picked through each display case, not taking everything, but making certain to take anything with a diamond in it. Each piece was placed into one of two toolboxes labeled TJP Security Systems. They didn’t speak to one another.

Levesque watched. Fear was beginning to cut through the alcohol. Beads of sweat formed on his forehead. He thought to call out, but realized it wouldn’t do any good. They were too far away from any other businesses to have anyone help. The store sat off the road from a major thoroughfare, not quite residential, but not the heart of the city either.

He thought about the gun at his ankle. He strained against the zip ties, but stopped. He was no hero.

The giant and the fire hydrant made their way to the last case having moved through the store with a practiced ease. They finished and straightened up. The giant loomed over Levesque and Davis, the shotgun in one hand, the toolbox in the other.

He put the toolbox down at the Levesque’s feet and removed a large knife from the small of his back. Using it with adeptness, he cut the his bonds.

The man rubbed his wrists to start the blood circulating through them. He wiped the sweat from his forehead with a shirtsleeve. He looked at the clock. It felt like hours had passed, instead, the hands told him it had been fifteen minutes. Julie would be in in another fifteen minutes. Never early. Never late. Always Julie.

He was hoping the intruders would be gone before she arrived when the giant wrapped an arm around his throat. He grasped at the arm with his hands as he struggled for air. He thought he heard the giant laugh. His vision began to blur. He saw Davis on the floor below him. An arm extended Levesque’s 9mm and shot Davis in the head.

He thought he heard pieces of bone rattle off the display cases. Then everything went black.

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Nostalgia

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The memories…

I was going to give you a list of the “Top 10 Dumbest Decisions I’ve Made,” but as you know that’s just not possible (whether or not that’s because I’m so brilliant I never make dumb decisions or because there are so many of such egregious quality picking ten would be impossible, is anyone’s guess – I, like you, am leaning towards option two).

After giving it careful thought, I’ve determined that I’ve just made the same bad decisions over and over again for the past ten months. Every single time I’ve eaten just a little too much, it’s been a terrible decision. It hasn’t mattered what the food du jour was: ice cream, donuts or green tea and coconut cake, each instance has led me to swear off food for the following 24 hours, and then break that promise to myself as soon as I’ve woken up.

So that’s it. That’s the list of the “Top 10 Dumbest Decisions I’ve Made.” But you titled this post “Nostalgia,” how does that play in. Glad you asked.

As has been established, I have an ice cream “problem” (quotes because I don’t think there’s anything wrong, but Crash has begun referring to me as a junkie – I’m not sure that’s fair, but, whatever). Yesterday, Crash and I took a trip down Nostalgia Road and returned to the scene of some of my first ice cream related overindulgences.

We were in a place called Happy Valley, no really, that’s the name of the town, for an appointment. We’d been in the area a couple of weeks ago and discovered there was a Jersey Mike’s in a plaza not too far from our destination. Crash, who hates all things chain restaurant, spoke up about how much she loved the wraps from the place.

We made the impulse decision that we were going to get dinner at Jersey Mike’s. Time for some 100% honesty, I was shocked first because of Crash’s hatred of chain restaurants, but second because she said it was a sub shop and with her gluten “issues,” I’d assumed the last thing she’d want would be to tempt herself.

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RIGHT next to one another.

Well, we turned into the plaza and couldn’t find Jersey Mike’s. What I did see was a TCBY. Do you remember TCBY or do you have any idea what TCBY is? The Country’s Best Yogurt (yes, I realize this is yogurt, not ice cream). Well, we couldn’t find Jersey Mike’s, until we were on our way out. Turns out it was right next to the TCBY…I’m sorry, I was distracted.

You have to understand, TCBY was one of the “go tos” of my youth. It was ice cream. A cookie dough shiver with French vanilla was the only thing I can remember ordering (maybe I had a waffle cone every now and then to change things up). Always a large. Always amazing. Always gone before we made it home (it was maybe a 10-minute drive). It consisted of pieces of cookie dough ice cream swirled into French vanilla ice cream. Magic.

TCBY had disappeared from Maine at some point during high school, or the start of college. I think the last one I saw was at a rest stop on the Mass Pike. I can’t remember the last time I ate at one.

Before we get into the ice cream (yogurt) portion of this, because, it’s not ALL about me, let’s talk about Crash’s old stomping grounds, Jersey Mike’s.

I’d never been before. To be honest, I’d never heard of them. If I never go again, it’ll be okay with me. Crash described it as “kind of like Subway.” And it would have been if Subway only served cold-cut sandwiches, added wraps to the menu, was operated solely by pimple-faced high school kids and one very angry “adult,” and got rid of all those silly vegetables (no, this blog is not paid to endorse Subway, but it could be!).

When I requested a meatball sub, the kid waiting on me immediately called in to question whether or not I was sane. He told me it wasn’t there best, and advised me to try something with 18 salted meats. In an effort to protect the innocent, I had told him it was my first time ever visiting one of their locations. Whatever, young punk. I had a meatball sub.

Long story longer, the sandwich wasn’t bad, although, as we sat outside the shop eating, I watched the clientele coming and going from the shop. If I had to estimate, I’d say about zero of the people going in and out couldn’t have stood to lose a minimum of 30 pounds. I know, I’m a horrible person, but at that moment I decided to not eat at Jersey Mike’s ever again.

Finishing our sandwiches, we went next door to TCBY…finally. It wasn’t the same as I remembered. I remember the store being yellow. Just reflecting a lot of industrial yellow light. I think. This place felt more like a vanilla frosted cake with rainbow sprinkles had exploded all over it.

It was about now Crash admitted she was a first-timer. My jaw hit the floor. I cleaned myself up and we ordered. Crash, who hasn’t found an ice cream establishment she couldn’t sample a couple of flavors at proceeded to do her thing (this is a strength…I think). I knew what I was going for and I knew I was getting a large.

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Cookie dough shiver. Not the best picture for gaining perspective on its size.

I do not remember the larges being quite so…large. Think if you super-sized a soda at McDonald’s and then added another size to it (suggests the guy who’s never once super-sized anything at McDonald’s). It was massive, and I’ll admit, there was some fear.

Mostly, I was afraid of being judged by Crash, who hates vanilla ice cream and looks at those who like it as having something wrong with their moral fiber. I can’t say I blame her.

Once I explained what the cookie dough shiver consisted, Crash was all over it (I was surprised she was getting anything). She did make a couple of Crash-centric adjustments. She went with chocolate ice cream and had some peanut butter swirled in.

Size matters
Size matters.

Her big debate was what size to get. A large would have represented half her mass, so the debate was between a regular and a small. She asked if I would help finish hers. Being overconfident I said she should go with the regular.

I think the Earth stopped rotating for a full minute once we both had our goodies. Crash said she thought mine, with the vanilla ice cream, tasted better. An admission like that, from someone with such a well-document for vanilla? Well, I think it’s enough to stop the Earth’s spinning. Thing is, it was true.

We went back to our table and the usual happened. Crash took small, polite bites, while I consumed as though the continuation of the human race were in the balance. That would explain why after 10 minutes:

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I’m not proud of myself.

It was at this point, as we continued to watch Jersey Mike’s clientele continue to come and go that Crash commented on how their customers seemed to be of a certain size. I said “large.” She asked if she was a bad person. I confirmed, but admitted I’d been thinking it earlier. We then watched as an exceedingly slim family wandered into TCBY. How do things work out this way?

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The definition of a “heroic effort.”

After making this observation, Crash determined she’d done all she could do with her shiver. Ice cream sweats hadn’t set in yet, but I felt terrible, so I jumped right in, trying to power through. I like to think I had a half of her shiver, but it might have been closer to a third. Each bite was painful, but I hated to throw it out. Finally, I put down my spoon.

Crash moved to get the car, I went to throw out our containers. I tossed mine in the receptacle, and was about to throw hers in, but I couldn’t do it. I had a spoonful, then another, then Crash looked back at me, “you look like a fat kid sneaking cake,” she called. I threw the container away.

The ice cream sweats started as soon as I was in the car. Crash swore off eating. I swore off ice cream, and so far this morning I seem to be doing okay.

 

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