living – Page 14 – Picking Up Roots

Growth

I am a shadow
of who I once was,
which is a gift
that takes time to accept;
I don't move as I did,
but with the wisdom of experience
I'm more decisive when I do;
I no longer burn
in a constant, uncontrolled anger
but choose my spots
to emphasize my points;
I have no expectations of the world,
I understand I am unique,
but not special;
this shadow I have become
possesses more depth
than who I was;
though on some days
the past may seem 
a more comfortable place,
I'm here now
living this moment

Beginning

living comes down to beginning;
if we don't start,
how can we finish;

if we don't begin the search,
how will we find ourselves
before our ultimate ending;

it would have been better yesterday,
tomorrow may be too late,
now is as good a time as any

Meaning

it is no badge of honor
this ache of inadequacy
I seem determined to carry,
the outside world does not
spend sleepless nights
sweating over how
it can do me in,
yet I am all too willing
to exhaust my mind
in worry
over the its decisions;

it is a search for meaning:
we all want to make our mark,
to mean more -
and we do,
to those who matter,
though we often fail to see it -
these faceless entities
we give ourselves over to
should not be where we search
for our self-worth,
it must come from within,
we give our lives meaning