too often these days there aren't the right words to describe the emptiness - the gutting that leaves us hollowed out questioning all we thought we knew - as the horror of living strikes so close to home; what do words matter when we feel impotent to impact change, when our lives are held hostage by those who see only themselves in power, when the only ones that make sense are: "why does this keep happening" until we find a way to change - to make ourselves heard - we'll always be inadequate, searching for the right words to make sense of senseless pain
Tag: loss
Tornado
Nothing remained except the pieces of shattered heart strewn about the lawn. The tornado had hit hard. The sky flashed with lightning, but no thunder, as the winds battered the house. Branches and pine cones banged off the windows making us jump. The sky darkened but was light, then the rain began to thunder upon the roof and everything went black.
We’d been huddled together on the couch watching the storm track on the television. We could feel the tension in one another, but didn’t speak it into existence. We moved closer as it gathered strength.
When the blackness lifted, I was by myself. What had hit me, I couldn’t say, but Kay was gone. I searched through the wreckage of the house, wandered dazed through each room from attic to basement before stumbling outside to search the yard.
There wasn’t a trace of her amongst the ravages left by the storm.
In a panic I went back into the house. I went up to the bedroom, her things were all in their closets and drawers. Her photos had tipped, but were still on the nightstand. I called her name and ran out to the garage.
Her car was in its spot. I ran back into the house. Her keys were on the hook by the door. Her purse hung there too. Her shoes rested below.
I went back downstairs to check the basement, wondering if I’d missed her, if she’d gone down there after I’d lost consciousness. I checked every corner. She was nowhere. I screamed her name with every ounce of strength left in me.
So powerful was my anguish, I didn’t recognize the sound leaving my body. It was the sound of an animal in pain. I screamed again and passed out.
I came to shivering on the concrete slab of the basement floor. I heaved myself up and climbed the basement stairs. I threw myself onto the couch and stared at the screen on the mantle. Kay sat to the right of the screen. Her final resting place a subtle, deep navy that didn’t stand out.
My heart shattered again as the tornado struck again.
Loss
His life was a battle against quicksand; the more he tried to dig his way out, the further he sank until he was so deep into the darkness, he despaired of ever finding a way back into the light.
His was a joyous life. Then came the dark day when Diana was taken from him. In most instances, he would have accepted acts beyond his control for what they were: beyond his control. In this case he could not. Diana was an innocent. She was pure. Beautiful. She was the white light covering the dark memory of his past.
In an instant, he struck. Lashing out against all that was unjust in his world. He created a path of wreckage that became his life.
As he fell further into darkness, the memory of her light diminished. He clutched her closer in tighter fists. In every action, he tried to bring her back in his mind – he knew he could not bring her back in person – but with every twisting movement he felt himself drifting further from whom she would have wanted him to be.
It stoked the flames of his rage, and he tore at himself with more ferocity. His attacks left him an empty heap upon the floor until he could muster the energy to re-launch himself against his tormentors.
They remained out of sight; invisible assailants never venturing within his grasp. He refused to eat fearing they would take him while he was distracted. He stayed awake all hours waiting for sight of them. They never materialized.
He screamed at them for being cowards, demanding they face him. He saw their shadows on the edges of his vision. They were cautious.
An alarm blared.
He shot up.
Her side of the bed remained empty.
The tears came again.