What Was

The artificial lights of the interior became brighter and more garish as the light outside faded to black. The tables around them had long since emptied. A few holdouts sat at the edges of the restaurant, but the staff was beginning their preparations for closing.

The different pockets of conversation at the table continued; going stronger now than they had at the outset. Alcohol and full stomachs had lubricated tongues and memories and frequently told stories of the past were unspooled again. The difference this time was that it felt like the end.

Steve was retiring after 25 years. He wasn’t the main cog who kept the group running, but he was always there. He showed up for every event – work and social – and was a respected voice in the room. 

I was happy for him. He’d had some health trouble in the last two years and with the demands of the suits, the job was bordering on the impossible for those in the field. Choose your adage, water from a rock or blood from a stone, they were trying to prove if you squeezed hard enough you could get them.

Steve was one of the lucky ones: of an age and in financial position to get out. There were many others who weren’t so lucky. They were being pushed beyond the breaking point by a culture that cared more and more about the bottom line and less about the people who helped get them there.

Nights like these where rare now. Those of us who were local used to gather talk about the state of the company and try to come up with ways to change. Those conversations brought us closer together and helped keep us together. Now, we were too tired. At the end of each day or week, we crawled home to rest battered bodies and spirits, to prepare ourselves for the unknown rigors of the next day.

I was on the edge of most of these crowds. I’d been around but not with this group. I’d shown up, done the work to help them out, but I didn’t have the relationships that stretched back 20 years. The folks I’d been close to then were gone. Weeded out by restructurings or having found the courage to leap before they were pushed.

I sat looking at this group, most of us middle-aged, two decades from retirement, at least, and I wondered when we’d next gather like this in celebration. When we would come back together to build stronger bonds?

The times were changing. As the laughter rose to a crescendo around the table again, I smiled sadly at the memory of other nights spent together, and wondered if we’d ever see them again.

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Thunder

The drumbeat of the downpour pummeled the roof of the house. It came in a hurry, with a huge flash of lightning and a crash of thunder. We couldn’t hear anything else above the raindrops exploding upon the roof.

No one heard the bolt of lightning that split the huge oak out front. When we woke up in the morning, the pattern of sunlight coming through the front window was different. Jo was the first to go to the window and she let out a huge cry at the discovery. The rest of us rushed to her, staring in disbelief at the naked flesh of the tree staring back at us. 

The tree had been in our family for generations. Our great-great-great-grandparents had carved their initials in it when they were courting. After their marriage, they’d built the house near it. 

It had grown thick and strong. It’s trunk was the size of a monster truck tire. Huge arms spread over one another providing a cool canopy from the summer heat. Each generation had had swings attached to the lower branches and every child in the family was married beneath those outstretched arms.

The oak was as much a part of our family as any pet could have been. We’d taken it for granted, assuming it would be in the family for generations after we’d gone. It’s indestructibleness obvious to all of us. Now it lay before us, split open by the anger of Mother Nature.

The fault lines had been growing within us for some time. Jo, Sam and I were struggling to come to grips with our parents’ aging, while trying to allow them to do so with dignity. As the rain was beating on the house last night, Jo was trying to convince our parents that a retirement community might be a better solution than staying out at the house. 

They’d been resistant to the idea, still feeling able – which they were – and not wanting to upset the routine of their lives. Sam had sided with our folks. I was somewhere in the middle. Angry words had been spoken and no one went to sleep happy. 

I’m not sure if we all recognized the tree as a metaphor of sorts for the tumult we were going through, but Ma pulled us all together for a group hug. With tears in her eyes, she said it wasn’t time yet, but when it was they’d be ready.

That was as close as we’d come to peace in quite some time. 

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Dancing

He could no longer dance. His fingers wouldn’t trip across the keys to producing magic the way they had in his youth. It was more work now. He had to think; to grind out each idea to ensure it came across.

It wasn’t better or worse – it just was, the new way of his world. He understood things slowed over time. It was inevitable. In younger days he had tried to fight it, but he hated losing. He’d figured out a few tweaks to make himself more viable as the years fell away. Staying able was at the forefront of his mind.

His mind still raced. New ideas, new thoughts – more mature now – still caromed around the inside of his head. He didn’t worry about time. What was supposed to come out would come out. His endurance was front of mind. With all the distractions in his world – both of his own making and from without – he wondered if he’d find the focus required to sit long enough to finish. It was a real concern.

Laughter surrounded him. What was serious anymore? The chaos and the noise of the world. It felt like precious few believed in the power of the story. Maybe that wasn’t it. Maybe they didn’t understand. Today everything was so clipped, so mindless, in such a hurry. It seemed no one recognized how much impact a handful of words formed into a story could have.

It made him question his efforts; why he continued to try. He felt the tug of distraction – even at his age. The whole system was wired for ease, but he still fought against it to do the hard thing; to try to capture the world in words.

The questions were his biggest distraction. He kept coming back to the one: is this all worth it?

He still read. And it was in his reading that he found his answer. Each time a story made tears well in his eyes, or made him ache at the humanity of its characters, or understand the world anew, he knew it was worth it.

He’d go back to his keys and begin the slow two-step that was now his form of creation.

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